"I fell in love with the demon Malforge.
Yes..yes... the arch-demon, but I didn't really care for that,
I liked him for his sense of humor. He would tell me all about
how Hell has Starbucks, and a demon of weak coffee. He would
tell me all about how heaven has cornered the market on good
bagels, and that they have only the frozen kind in hell. He
made me laugh.
In the end, I think I was a greater danger
to his soul than he to mine. I the powerless mage, mostly
mortal. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and an idea,
a theory in the hands of a mage.. Now that is a dangerous
thing indeed.
And here I thought the story had ended. I
had planned to write my musing on heaven and hell in his honor,
and perhaps a story of love found in odd places, and the strange
truths beyond appearances. A story of ridiculous posturing
that in the end didnt matter. A story whose true ending would
like in the great truth that is found between lives, when
we would learn who was right and if redemption on the grandest
scale possible was indeed the reality and not the lie.
After months of absence, I grew resigned to
not seeing Malforge until after I died. I pestered JIzo about
assisting in his work, and going one step beyond, rescuing
not just humanlike souls, but the demons as well if they needed
it. I put in my petitions to my guides and heaven itself to
allow my test of what is true so that I might meet the great
demon again.
The very day after I first drafted this page,
this sharing of what I knew, God answered a prayer. Malforge
tells me that demons also pray to God, and that sometimes
God answers, and this was such a time.
One day in a distant spot of the world I met
Malforge, I saw a figure with a familiar look, though different
name, and dared to enquire of him if he knew my friend, and
discovered it was indeed he.
And so once again, I have my quirky little
window on hell.
----
Q. [During Hurricane season in US] Does Hell
ever get waterlogged?
A. Once during the deluge the ceiling leaked
a bit.
--
Q What movies and TV do they watch in Hell
A.: Ishtar...Well, that and Yentl... and Rosemary's
Baby and the Exorcist on Comedy Night And heres a little secret
- TV in Hell shows nothing but Family Feud, endless, eternal
loops of it. We Demons of course get premium channels. Our
reality tv shows are sort of like survivor in reverse - the
winner is the one who gets kicked out. It is funny to watch
the damned leap at the chance to win some useless prize (really....
a brand new car in Hell ? Where exactly are you going to drive
it ?)
Aurallia: The toll road.
He *nods* possibly, although since the only currency which
means anything in hell is damned souls, a would-be daytripper
is going to be hard pressed to get past a toll... although
I will say that some fine traffic snarls are caused by those
who are willing to try anyway. In fact, I hear there are subsections
of the lower levels devoted to noting but endless traffic
jams... has something to do with Wrath, although I'm not an
expert on that.
*chuckles* i didn't say it was the only currency,
just the only one that means anything. Think about what it
must feel like to be standing in a line 10,000 souls deep
with pockets bulging with gold, only to get to the register
and find out that the only currency which is accepted is ...
well, you. If that's not hellish I don't know what is - and
a Damned soul will buy you a Venti quad-shot iced mocha ,
skinny, with a shortbread cookie on the side
Oh, and n hell, every line except the one
you are in moves faster than you . I mean that literally.
Time and space are but clay in the hands of the demon lords,
and they like to milk every last ounce of misery out of it
that they can.
Sometimes we even seed lines with minor demons
masquarading as new arrivals who don't speak the language,
and are trying to cash fourth or fifth party checks made out
in rubles and issued by the Bank of Yemen.We put those directly
in front of souls given to road rage and similar outbursts
of temper, its quite fun. If we're really mean we'll give
them baskets with 50,000 or so items and put them in the express
checkout, where of course they will price check and haggle
over every single item
Damned souls weigh less than an ounce apiece,
and fold nicely for convenience- although most Demons carry
debit cards, and the total is just deducted from your personal
holdings. We'll also seed grocery stores with demons masquarading
as screaming , bratty children, or have them snatch the very
last one of whatever you wanted right out from under you
Wrath has a field day with stuff like that.
Wrath is an easygoing fellow, always up for a laugh. And the
more petty it is, the better he likes it... he loves nothing
more than sending someone into a murderous rage over something
trivial. *shrugs* To hear him tell it , he likes the challenge...
its like me, nymphomaniacs are fun, but just too easy - the
real thrill is taking someone who is innocent and demure and
letting them bite deep into the fruit of sin
Heh, well, he is... but you can guarantee
that the minute he gets there, stuff's going to start to get
broken. Wrath loses his temper quite easily... thing about
him though is that his anger is almost always externalized...
*he* doesn't get mad, everyone around him does
If he's coming, you just make sure all the good furniture
is up
Him and Gluttony... he's just a pig, the slob of slobs
Sloth would be, but he's too lazy to even make a proper mess
